What To Do When Promises Are Not Turning Out

by Kris Kile

A major human paradigm is: When life doesn’t show up the way we prefer, we resist. Often this resistance takes the form of blame-blaming ourselves, someone else, or the situation.


And it can be fair to say that someone not fulfilling a promise or you breaking a promise is not the way you prefer it to play out.


So, it is inherent that automatic resistance is almost always in play when a promise is either not happening or teetering on the brink of going down the tubes.


How we engage that inherent resistance can make all the difference in whether we get the promise back on track or whether it fails.


This is true for promises of all types, from simple promises like “I’ll meet you at the Downtown Diner for lunch at noon on Tuesday,” to implicit promises like “I will nourish and cherish you,” to complex sets of promises with multiple people involved, like a product launch at a company.


Take a moment to consider the most recent time this has happened to you.


What happens as you are resisting your current reality when it doesn’t match your expectations or preferences? How does it impact your mental thought patterns, your heart (emotional base) and your body (instinctual and kinesthetic physiology)?


We tend to get locked into the way we think it should be. We close off any input or data that is to the contrary. We limit our field of vision to only data and evidence that supports our point of view.


Looking at the three intelligence centers we have (head, heart, and body) this might look like:
  • Head center resistance can look like: being certain, seeing everything is a right/wrong frame, being a knower rather than a learner, or being confused.
  • Heart center resistance can look like: disconnection from emotions or the flip side-being run by emotions.
  • Body center resistance can look like: being out of touch with bodily sensations such as stress, anxiety or pain. Or being out of touch with your gut instincts or being run by them.


These are all resistant ways to engage the possibility of a broken promise. The alternative to approach challenges in agreements and ongoing promises is to be open. This involves embracing the reality of what is, and see it as a resource for things turning out rather than a problem.


Openness can be manifested through:
  • Having an open, inquiring, curious mind
  • An open heart (connected to your emotions, aware, and not resistant)
  • An open body (aware of your emotional center, aware of where you are holding stress, relaxing into calmness and serenity.) “Breathing down” experiences of being “triggered” by the circumstances (practicing being present and grounded when triggered).


This comes alive when you consider it within the context of specific situations that are currently happening in your life. I am talking about situations where you have agreements and promises or sets of promises in place but it looks like it is going off track.


If you think about it, there is almost always something like this going on it our life. Sometimes we do not initially recognize them because we numb ourselves to their reality and accept it as the norm.


But, I am asking you to consider this afresh, and reflect upon how you are engaging it. How can you reinvigorate existing promises and agreements through adopting openness in the face of internal and external resistance?

Share on Facebook an incident that has occurred or you have observed where a promise was saved through openness versus being closed and resistant.

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